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Read it in his voice.

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COMMENTS

  • TheTruegear
    623 points Aug 18,2019, 10:40pm

    Some mothers are toxic because they're genuinely just control freaks that refuse to let their children do what they want.

  • stayhomedaddy
    225 points Aug 18,2019, 11:45pm

    Designating toxic as a mother thing and absent as a father thing seems really narrow to me though, hell my mother was more the absent one (not gone entirely but might as well be. Saw her 2 hours a week maybe.) Then my dad was a toxic man-child who blamed all his problems on my brothers (RIP) diabetes. Welcome to the dawn of a new age for the fight in equality, first step, lets shatter some stereo types.

  • weeping_pegasus
    147 points Aug 18,2019, 10:01pm

    And then there's absent mothers...

  • PushIt2thePop
    16 points Aug 19,2019, 12:08am

    I’m pretty sure my mom would have eaten me before I could walk if given the choice. Both my parents are prime examples of two people who should not have had a baby.

  • AJTHEMUSICGEEK
    28 points Aug 18,2019, 9:04pm

    Should we take it for word because Morgan Freeman is God?

  • IBeHorrible
    24 points Aug 18,2019, 9:58pm

    UwU

  • Lawliet_The_Panda
    25 points Aug 18,2019, 11:49pm

    Some mothers are toxic because they are fucking narcissists who have no empathy for their own children

  • flowelol
    12 points Aug 19,2019, 12:10am

    The real abuse is saying "UwU" to your own child

  • Lilkiddo456
    19 points Aug 19,2019, 12:05am

    Don’t you dare bring poor UwU into this he did nothing

  • I-Am-Sam-Sam-I-Am
    12 points Aug 18,2019, 10:18pm

    Why does he have a white hand?

  • MattyR1237
    4 points Aug 19,2019, 12:12am

    why does Morgan have one white hand?

  • dandaguitarman1991
    3 points Aug 19,2019, 2:36am

    Or maybe dad left because mum was a nutcase and he wishes he could take his son more often to spend quality time with him and also give her a break and help her relax and become less toxic, but she wont let the dad because she's a possessive selfish nutcase?

  • arlomilano
    9 points Aug 19,2019, 1:03am

    Plenty of single mothers don't abuse their kids.

  • Acekiller088
    2 points Aug 19,2019, 12:56am

    Why does he sound so disappointed saying UwU

  • thesadsammy
    2 points Aug 19,2019, 2:39am

    I have met all these types and dozens of more and I'd say the worse is "Toxic mother and father in a unhealthy toxic relationship that exists solely 'for the kids' and thus ruining kids entire life, future marriage and personality"

  • EthanIsBored
    7 points Aug 18,2019, 10:51pm

    Maybe some fathers are absent because they are burnt out from not being allowed to do anything or help at all because of toxic mothers.

  • Cookieway
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 11:44pm

    And some mothers work 60 hours and then come home to cook and clean and are simply exhausted and stressed.

  • penguin_go
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 12:34am

    my dad had this enchantment: vanishing |||

  • C2074579
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 1:12am

    UwU

  • AnAmazingBoy
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 1:47am

    My parents split and both became absent parents. I was 15 when they split and I lived with my mom but she was never around. I got a job and spent my days working or at school. I'm 16 now and I rarely see my dad and my mom constantly leaves on two week long vacations. When she is home, I'm at work. When I get home it's midnight and I only stop in to change and then I'm off to spend my night with friends.

  • XanthosAcanthus
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 1:55am

    Yeah, I'd have to go with a little bit of column a, and a little bit of column b. However, I have first hand experience of the toxic mother column... not my mom, but my mom's mom.

  • Luc1_F0x
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 2:09am

    I had an absent mother and an abusive father, try me motherfucker

  • SquidInAJar5
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 2:23am

    My mother was very toxic when I was younger, and it made my father absent, at least emotionally. They're both a lot better now, but the trauma still lingers.

  • Lejimuz
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 2:49am

    But why does he have a white hand on his leg?

  • MiKeseMiCasa
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 3:02am

    The UwU in the end is like a verbal cherry on this metaphorical Wellington filled with shit.

  • OdiiKii1313
    -12 points Aug 18,2019, 10:20pm

    Excuse me, that is inappropriate use of the word UwU. It's very disrespectful to furries. Do you even have an UwU pass?

    Edit: Is a /s really necessary? I thought it would be pretty obvious considering my flair and also the fact that it's assumed no one actually gives a shit about the usage of an emoticon.

  • sinfernal
    0 points Aug 19,2019, 3:04am
  • mynamesnotjean
    -16 points Aug 18,2019, 11:25pm

    Bottom and top comments are really dumb.

COMMENTS

  • TheTruegear
    623 points Aug 18,2019, 10:40pm

    Some mothers are toxic because they're genuinely just control freaks that refuse to let their children do what they want.

  • stayhomedaddy
    225 points Aug 18,2019, 11:45pm

    Designating toxic as a mother thing and absent as a father thing seems really narrow to me though, hell my mother was more the absent one (not gone entirely but might as well be. Saw her 2 hours a week maybe.) Then my dad was a toxic man-child who blamed all his problems on my brothers (RIP) diabetes. Welcome to the dawn of a new age for the fight in equality, first step, lets shatter some stereo types.

  • weeping_pegasus
    147 points Aug 18,2019, 10:01pm

    And then there's absent mothers...

  • Un_Mexicano
    29 points Aug 18,2019, 11:56pm

    What about absent mothers and toxic fathers? Life is a whole funnel of shit

  • PushIt2thePop
    16 points Aug 19,2019, 12:08am

    I’m pretty sure my mom would have eaten me before I could walk if given the choice. Both my parents are prime examples of two people who should not have had a baby.

  • AJTHEMUSICGEEK
    28 points Aug 18,2019, 9:04pm

    Should we take it for word because Morgan Freeman is God?

  • IBeHorrible
    24 points Aug 18,2019, 9:58pm

    UwU

  • Lawliet_The_Panda
    25 points Aug 18,2019, 11:49pm

    Some mothers are toxic because they are fucking narcissists who have no empathy for their own children

  • flowelol
    12 points Aug 19,2019, 12:10am

    The real abuse is saying "UwU" to your own child

  • Lilkiddo456
    19 points Aug 19,2019, 12:05am

    Don’t you dare bring poor UwU into this he did nothing

  • I-Am-Sam-Sam-I-Am
    12 points Aug 18,2019, 10:18pm

    Why does he have a white hand?

  • MattyR1237
    4 points Aug 19,2019, 12:12am

    why does Morgan have one white hand?

  • dandaguitarman1991
    3 points Aug 19,2019, 2:36am

    Or maybe dad left because mum was a nutcase and he wishes he could take his son more often to spend quality time with him and also give her a break and help her relax and become less toxic, but she wont let the dad because she's a possessive selfish nutcase?

  • arlomilano
    9 points Aug 19,2019, 1:03am

    Plenty of single mothers don't abuse their kids.

  • Acekiller088
    2 points Aug 19,2019, 12:56am

    Why does he sound so disappointed saying UwU

  • thesadsammy
    2 points Aug 19,2019, 2:39am

    I have met all these types and dozens of more and I'd say the worse is "Toxic mother and father in a unhealthy toxic relationship that exists solely 'for the kids' and thus ruining kids entire life, future marriage and personality"

  • EthanIsBored
    7 points Aug 18,2019, 10:51pm

    Maybe some fathers are absent because they are burnt out from not being allowed to do anything or help at all because of toxic mothers.

  • Cookieway
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 11:44pm

    And some mothers work 60 hours and then come home to cook and clean and are simply exhausted and stressed.

  • penguin_go
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 12:34am

    my dad had this enchantment: vanishing |||

  • C2074579
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 1:12am

    UwU

  • AnAmazingBoy
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 1:47am

    My parents split and both became absent parents. I was 15 when they split and I lived with my mom but she was never around. I got a job and spent my days working or at school. I'm 16 now and I rarely see my dad and my mom constantly leaves on two week long vacations. When she is home, I'm at work. When I get home it's midnight and I only stop in to change and then I'm off to spend my night with friends.

  • XanthosAcanthus
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 1:55am

    Yeah, I'd have to go with a little bit of column a, and a little bit of column b. However, I have first hand experience of the toxic mother column... not my mom, but my mom's mom.

  • Luc1_F0x
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 2:09am

    I had an absent mother and an abusive father, try me motherfucker

  • SquidInAJar5
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 2:23am

    My mother was very toxic when I was younger, and it made my father absent, at least emotionally. They're both a lot better now, but the trauma still lingers.

  • Lejimuz
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 2:49am

    But why does he have a white hand on his leg?

  • MiKeseMiCasa
    1 points Aug 19,2019, 3:02am

    The UwU in the end is like a verbal cherry on this metaphorical Wellington filled with shit.

  • OdiiKii1313
    -12 points Aug 18,2019, 10:20pm

    Excuse me, that is inappropriate use of the word UwU. It's very disrespectful to furries. Do you even have an UwU pass?

    Edit: Is a /s really necessary? I thought it would be pretty obvious considering my flair and also the fact that it's assumed no one actually gives a shit about the usage of an emoticon.

  • sinfernal
    0 points Aug 19,2019, 3:04am
  • mynamesnotjean
    -16 points Aug 18,2019, 11:25pm

    Bottom and top comments are really dumb.

● ● ●

The shape of water

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COMMENTS

  • Quantext609
    16 points Aug 18,2019, 4:13pm

    The closest thing to a pet I have is my palm tree sapling, so that'd be even stranger

  • ameretauri
    11 points Aug 18,2019, 4:33pm

    I’d probably follow my cat. She’s a bratty lil thing but I love her.

  • GarfieldFutanari
    7 points Aug 18,2019, 4:22pm

    This is a real Garfield book by Jim himself, called Garfield apocalypse

COMMENTS

  • Quantext609
    16 points Aug 18,2019, 4:13pm

    The closest thing to a pet I have is my palm tree sapling, so that'd be even stranger

  • ameretauri
    11 points Aug 18,2019, 4:33pm

    I’d probably follow my cat. She’s a bratty lil thing but I love her.

  • GarfieldFutanari
    7 points Aug 18,2019, 4:22pm

    This is a real Garfield book by Jim himself, called Garfield apocalypse

  • roybatty1602
    7 points Aug 18,2019, 6:54pm

    Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension

● ● ●

Sometimes people remember the weirdest things about you

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COMMENTS

  • Latticinio
    339 points Aug 18,2019, 6:05am

    One time my (then) boyfriend was pushing my on a shopping cart really fast and I thought he was going to push me into a car so I jumped off and fell and hit my head really hard. A few years later I met a guy at a bar and he was like he told me he saw it.

  • Henrich_14
    433 points Aug 18,2019, 6:04am

    I've done too many weird and embarrassing things in public, and my only consolation is that nobody who knows me saw them happen. (Well. Most of them.) But whenever I meet someone new and they sort of squint at me like they're trying to remember where they know me from, part of me goes oh god oh god oh god what if they recognize me from that time I laughed myself into actual tears and hiccups because I was reading a funny book in a coffee shop

  • dorkphoenyx
    104 points Aug 18,2019, 12:17pm

    Apparently my some people in my pharmacy refers to me as "Elizabeth 5". I found this out the other day, when I went in to pick something up and the tech said, "Hey, you're Elizabeth 5!"

    My middle initial is V.

  • EpicNinja85108
    130 points Aug 18,2019, 10:31am

    My whole neighbor hood saw me recording my "eating white obama in a whoopie cushion costume" video. So Im pretty sure I'm in some family's stories

  • Dartis_X-UI
    49 points Aug 18,2019, 12:21pm

    This was nearly 15 years ago now.I was walking back to my car after coming out of the local mall....1. Point of interest: there are concrete steps imbeded into the malls' walls on the outside that poke out onto the walkway.2. Also of note, I was essentially the Naruto runner at my school - before Naruto was televised here.3. And having just played Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, I figured I'd relive some epicness......I ran up onto the top concrete step and ran across it while leaning out to my left - just like the game. It worked perfectly!I jumped off and hit the ground running, feeling like a legend!...Then I saw the second set of steps ahead, and my brain just went into overdrive: Bring on the awesomeness!...I proceeded to run up to the next step, jump up onto it, then several things happened one after the other....1. One of my sandals I was wearing tore apart.2. I lost my balence at full speed while leaning over, away from the stairs.3. I lost consciousness (as I always do, don't know why) when I loose balance.4. (Unknown Event).5. I woke up underneath a shopping trolley, my long cargo pants were ripped, skid marks up both arms. But thankfully, not in pain......To this day I only wish I could have seen what happened during the time I was unconscious. Because there was no shopping trolley in front of me when I fell. I have no idea where it came from......A few people came rushing over to check if I was ok.I can only imagine the stories that have been told of that event in my life...

  • asianprncss
    54 points Aug 18,2019, 10:44am

    And this is exactly the reason I have social anxiety.

  • CriticalGeode
    23 points Aug 18,2019, 9:30am

    I revel in it.

  • kittycowww
    24 points Aug 18,2019, 12:17pm

    Somebody is probably out there telling the story of how they were at a stop sign and saw a woman run out of her car while she had explosive diarrhea all over her. I am sure of it.

  • kumozenya
    36 points Aug 18,2019, 12:30pm

    I was clawing at target on sale makeup, like almost climbing the shelves, then i heard "omg kumozenya, is that you?" I turned around and behold my student saw me being a goblin at on sale makeup.

  • Panndademic
    15 points Aug 18,2019, 12:42pm

    Like 8-10 years ago I went to an amusement park with some friends. One of the water rides has wooden staircase area where you go up stairs to exit the ride, and then you can go down the steps to re-enter the line

    There was a little girl who was running from the exit back to the line and she slipped and landed flat on her back. One of my friends asked if she was ok because it looked like it fucking hurt. But she got up and gave him an evil glare and walked away. We still talk about the "I'll fucking kill you" girl.

  • bjorvin
    7 points Aug 18,2019, 12:33pm

    I dont think i am a bar story but i wear shorts and flipflops so often that people say that when they are introducing me to people, it is because i just want to be on a random beach drinking beer rather than being wherever the hell i am at the moment and the shorts and flip flops help me keep sane

  • treehuggeer
    15 points Aug 18,2019, 11:30am

    I remember some girl at the mall looking at a glass case of jewelry. It was one of those that was in the wall, not the counter cases. She totally bumped her head straight on onto the glass. Pretty sure she was with her boyfriend.I lol’d

  • JagoAldrin
    6 points Aug 18,2019, 2:37pm

    So this is gonna be a little dark, but ultimately wholesome.

    A few years back, I tried to kill myself by jumping off a bridge. I don't remember too much in vivid detail, other than a woman in a black blazer and pencil skirt who ran out of her truck on the freeway because she knew exactly what was happening when I slowed down. She was begging me to stop, and honestly, that's the most loved I had felt in a long time.

    I don't usually remember strangers, but damn if I'm gonna forget her anytime soon.

  • ElectronSurprise
    5 points Aug 18,2019, 2:03pm

    Closest one I can think of is this time I was riding my bike home from school and as I crossed the road a childcare van turned in front of me, forcing me to brake suddenly. I ended up flipping completely over my handlebars and got a serious bruise but otherwise I was fine. I was super mortified and heard a mom in a stopped car asking if I was ok. It turns out she knew who I was and reported the incident to the cops, bc they showed up to my house a few days later to interview me about it

  • jpw111
    4 points Aug 18,2019, 2:09pm

    Back in middle school, I got my finger stuck in a locker. The school called the Fire Department and the EMTs and they had to cut the locker open to get my finger out of it.

    The principal decided to address the fact that a fire truck/ambulance had come to the school by sending out one of those mass voicemails to every family in the school. It didn't directly identify me in the voicemail, but it talked about exactly what happened.

    Later, my sister and her boyfriend (who had a sister in the grade above me at that time) were talking about the craziest shit they'd ever heard, and he leads into a story with "One time some wierdo at my sister's school got his finger stuck in a locker."

    My sister told him that the wierdo was me, her brother, and they had a good laugh about it.

  • sharkey1997
    3 points Aug 18,2019, 1:38pm

    One time at my local mall, I was walking back to my car with my family. I was talking to my mom and not paying attention to where i was going, I then walked head first into a stop sign and fell on my ass. The people in the car at the stop sign were laughing so hard a line formed behind them because they wouldn't move.

  • stromm
    5 points Aug 18,2019, 1:11pm

    Wisdom I learned from my grandmother when I was six.

    Never say, write or do anything you don't want everyone else to find out.

  • Dovilie
    3 points Aug 18,2019, 1:16pm

    The other day at a social gathering I was helping clean up the kitchen and I threw something away but then later retrieved it from the trash because I still needed it and I've been wondering since if anyone saw me hahaha.

  • Hacim042
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 1:59pm

    There was a fella at a water park who looked like his application to Polygon just got accepted. Me and my friends kept seeing him from a distance. We dubbed him average guy. Looked sorta like Ryan Gosling, with a less long face.

  • nothanksjustlooking
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 2:24pm

    "In my defense, my hot dog was in that tree."

    Too bad you didn't see her first, you could have just thrown yourself at her feet as she was coming around a corner.

  • Elicynderspyro
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 4:07pm

    My boyfriend and I met during the first year of college after two weeks but apparently we saw each other the very first day since we were the first two who arrived at the building hall. From my perspective I remember a guy taking pictures of the room and thinking "wtf is he taking pictures of?" while he told me he remembers a girls sitting by a corner very awkwardly with a small bottle of water.We still joke about it like "omg that's crazy, it was fate" lol

  • spicybuttholenachos
    1 points Aug 18,2019, 2:42pm

    Oh god the farts... what it everyone could smell all the farts!??!?!

  • Redsss429
    1 points Aug 18,2019, 3:56pm

    There was a rumor going around about me saying I don’t have any wrists. I don’t know what that even means.

COMMENTS

  • Latticinio
    339 points Aug 18,2019, 6:05am

    One time my (then) boyfriend was pushing my on a shopping cart really fast and I thought he was going to push me into a car so I jumped off and fell and hit my head really hard. A few years later I met a guy at a bar and he was like he told me he saw it.

  • Henrich_14
    433 points Aug 18,2019, 6:04am

    I've done too many weird and embarrassing things in public, and my only consolation is that nobody who knows me saw them happen. (Well. Most of them.) But whenever I meet someone new and they sort of squint at me like they're trying to remember where they know me from, part of me goes oh god oh god oh god what if they recognize me from that time I laughed myself into actual tears and hiccups because I was reading a funny book in a coffee shop

  • dorkphoenyx
    104 points Aug 18,2019, 12:17pm

    Apparently my some people in my pharmacy refers to me as "Elizabeth 5". I found this out the other day, when I went in to pick something up and the tech said, "Hey, you're Elizabeth 5!"

    My middle initial is V.

  • alyaaz
    87 points Aug 18,2019, 11:26am

    Lmao one time I smashed my nose into a table while I was drunk and on three separate instances the same girl came to me randomly and said "hey I remember you from that night in [club] when you hit your nose and were bleeding everywhere" okay????

  • EpicNinja85108
    130 points Aug 18,2019, 10:31am

    My whole neighbor hood saw me recording my "eating white obama in a whoopie cushion costume" video. So Im pretty sure I'm in some family's stories

  • Dartis_X-UI
    49 points Aug 18,2019, 12:21pm

    This was nearly 15 years ago now.I was walking back to my car after coming out of the local mall....1. Point of interest: there are concrete steps imbeded into the malls' walls on the outside that poke out onto the walkway.2. Also of note, I was essentially the Naruto runner at my school - before Naruto was televised here.3. And having just played Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, I figured I'd relive some epicness......I ran up onto the top concrete step and ran across it while leaning out to my left - just like the game. It worked perfectly!I jumped off and hit the ground running, feeling like a legend!...Then I saw the second set of steps ahead, and my brain just went into overdrive: Bring on the awesomeness!...I proceeded to run up to the next step, jump up onto it, then several things happened one after the other....1. One of my sandals I was wearing tore apart.2. I lost my balence at full speed while leaning over, away from the stairs.3. I lost consciousness (as I always do, don't know why) when I loose balance.4. (Unknown Event).5. I woke up underneath a shopping trolley, my long cargo pants were ripped, skid marks up both arms. But thankfully, not in pain......To this day I only wish I could have seen what happened during the time I was unconscious. Because there was no shopping trolley in front of me when I fell. I have no idea where it came from......A few people came rushing over to check if I was ok.I can only imagine the stories that have been told of that event in my life...

  • asianprncss
    54 points Aug 18,2019, 10:44am

    And this is exactly the reason I have social anxiety.

  • CriticalGeode
    23 points Aug 18,2019, 9:30am

    I revel in it.

  • kittycowww
    24 points Aug 18,2019, 12:17pm

    Somebody is probably out there telling the story of how they were at a stop sign and saw a woman run out of her car while she had explosive diarrhea all over her. I am sure of it.

  • kumozenya
    36 points Aug 18,2019, 12:30pm

    I was clawing at target on sale makeup, like almost climbing the shelves, then i heard "omg kumozenya, is that you?" I turned around and behold my student saw me being a goblin at on sale makeup.

  • Panndademic
    15 points Aug 18,2019, 12:42pm

    Like 8-10 years ago I went to an amusement park with some friends. One of the water rides has wooden staircase area where you go up stairs to exit the ride, and then you can go down the steps to re-enter the line

    There was a little girl who was running from the exit back to the line and she slipped and landed flat on her back. One of my friends asked if she was ok because it looked like it fucking hurt. But she got up and gave him an evil glare and walked away. We still talk about the "I'll fucking kill you" girl.

  • bjorvin
    7 points Aug 18,2019, 12:33pm

    I dont think i am a bar story but i wear shorts and flipflops so often that people say that when they are introducing me to people, it is because i just want to be on a random beach drinking beer rather than being wherever the hell i am at the moment and the shorts and flip flops help me keep sane

  • treehuggeer
    15 points Aug 18,2019, 11:30am

    I remember some girl at the mall looking at a glass case of jewelry. It was one of those that was in the wall, not the counter cases. She totally bumped her head straight on onto the glass. Pretty sure she was with her boyfriend.I lol’d

  • JagoAldrin
    6 points Aug 18,2019, 2:37pm

    So this is gonna be a little dark, but ultimately wholesome.

    A few years back, I tried to kill myself by jumping off a bridge. I don't remember too much in vivid detail, other than a woman in a black blazer and pencil skirt who ran out of her truck on the freeway because she knew exactly what was happening when I slowed down. She was begging me to stop, and honestly, that's the most loved I had felt in a long time.

    I don't usually remember strangers, but damn if I'm gonna forget her anytime soon.

  • ElectronSurprise
    5 points Aug 18,2019, 2:03pm

    Closest one I can think of is this time I was riding my bike home from school and as I crossed the road a childcare van turned in front of me, forcing me to brake suddenly. I ended up flipping completely over my handlebars and got a serious bruise but otherwise I was fine. I was super mortified and heard a mom in a stopped car asking if I was ok. It turns out she knew who I was and reported the incident to the cops, bc they showed up to my house a few days later to interview me about it

  • jpw111
    4 points Aug 18,2019, 2:09pm

    Back in middle school, I got my finger stuck in a locker. The school called the Fire Department and the EMTs and they had to cut the locker open to get my finger out of it.

    The principal decided to address the fact that a fire truck/ambulance had come to the school by sending out one of those mass voicemails to every family in the school. It didn't directly identify me in the voicemail, but it talked about exactly what happened.

    Later, my sister and her boyfriend (who had a sister in the grade above me at that time) were talking about the craziest shit they'd ever heard, and he leads into a story with "One time some wierdo at my sister's school got his finger stuck in a locker."

    My sister told him that the wierdo was me, her brother, and they had a good laugh about it.

  • sharkey1997
    3 points Aug 18,2019, 1:38pm

    One time at my local mall, I was walking back to my car with my family. I was talking to my mom and not paying attention to where i was going, I then walked head first into a stop sign and fell on my ass. The people in the car at the stop sign were laughing so hard a line formed behind them because they wouldn't move.

  • stromm
    5 points Aug 18,2019, 1:11pm

    Wisdom I learned from my grandmother when I was six.

    Never say, write or do anything you don't want everyone else to find out.

  • Dovilie
    3 points Aug 18,2019, 1:16pm

    The other day at a social gathering I was helping clean up the kitchen and I threw something away but then later retrieved it from the trash because I still needed it and I've been wondering since if anyone saw me hahaha.

  • Hacim042
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 1:59pm

    There was a fella at a water park who looked like his application to Polygon just got accepted. Me and my friends kept seeing him from a distance. We dubbed him average guy. Looked sorta like Ryan Gosling, with a less long face.

  • nothanksjustlooking
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 2:24pm

    "In my defense, my hot dog was in that tree."

    Too bad you didn't see her first, you could have just thrown yourself at her feet as she was coming around a corner.

  • Elicynderspyro
    2 points Aug 18,2019, 4:07pm

    My boyfriend and I met during the first year of college after two weeks but apparently we saw each other the very first day since we were the first two who arrived at the building hall. From my perspective I remember a guy taking pictures of the room and thinking "wtf is he taking pictures of?" while he told me he remembers a girls sitting by a corner very awkwardly with a small bottle of water.We still joke about it like "omg that's crazy, it was fate" lol

  • spicybuttholenachos
    1 points Aug 18,2019, 2:42pm

    Oh god the farts... what it everyone could smell all the farts!??!?!

  • Redsss429
    1 points Aug 18,2019, 3:56pm

    There was a rumor going around about me saying I don’t have any wrists. I don’t know what that even means.

● ● ●

"You sketchy piece of shit"

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COMMENTS

  • titanium420
    5 points Aug 17,2019, 1:48pm

    When you've completed the tour of places you usually leave them and have still come up empty - fuck me that never gets any less annoying.

  • TheMiko
    3 points Aug 17,2019, 5:31pm

    If you have your phone you can look through the camera lens to see everything around you in HD for emergencies like these

COMMENTS

  • titanium420
    5 points Aug 17,2019, 1:48pm

    When you've completed the tour of places you usually leave them and have still come up empty - fuck me that never gets any less annoying.

  • TheMiko
    3 points Aug 17,2019, 5:31pm

    If you have your phone you can look through the camera lens to see everything around you in HD for emergencies like these

● ● ●

oh god oh frick...

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COMMENTS

  • CanadaHaz
    54 points Aug 17,2019, 2:12pm

    I thought they were small, plush sperms at first.

  • droomph
    14 points Aug 17,2019, 3:06pm

    Of all the ways to destroy AirPods, why not cronch them like cereal?

  • Khakichief
    6 points Aug 17,2019, 4:20pm

    The sperms running towards the egg

COMMENTS

  • CanadaHaz
    54 points Aug 17,2019, 2:12pm

    I thought they were small, plush sperms at first.

  • droomph
    14 points Aug 17,2019, 3:06pm

    Of all the ways to destroy AirPods, why not cronch them like cereal?

  • Khakichief
    6 points Aug 17,2019, 4:20pm

    The sperms running towards the egg

  • TobichiRaku
    2 points Aug 17,2019, 2:11pm

    airpods have microphones on them tho

● ● ●

Bring more tumblr is dead memes

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COMMENTS

  • RestfulLore
    68 points Aug 17,2019, 2:39pm

    Something somwthing something miscommunication something

  • TheGreyPotter
    22 points Aug 17,2019, 5:33pm

    rings a bell. Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead media sites!

  • The-Plauge-Dragon
    -231 points Aug 17,2019, 2:54pm

    Removing members of the National Socialist German Worker’s Party seems ok.

    Although considering Tumblr... I’m 99.9% you’re saying anyone who isn’t far left is a Nazi.

    Please move to r/tumblrinaction

COMMENTS

  • RestfulLore
    68 points Aug 17,2019, 2:39pm

    Something somwthing something miscommunication something

  • TheGreyPotter
    22 points Aug 17,2019, 5:33pm

    rings a bell. Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead media sites!

  • The-Plauge-Dragon
    -231 points Aug 17,2019, 2:54pm

    Removing members of the National Socialist German Worker’s Party seems ok.

    Although considering Tumblr... I’m 99.9% you’re saying anyone who isn’t far left is a Nazi.

    Please move to r/tumblrinaction

● ● ●

I love that jingle

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COMMENTS

  • ahaisonline
    11 points Aug 16,2019, 4:36pm

    extremely cursed image

  • TheManwithaNoPlan
    4 points Aug 16,2019, 4:13pm

    Stop it, get some help.

  • ATN-Antronach
    4 points Aug 16,2019, 4:59pm

    Fuck they had donuts today in the lobby and I've been feeling sick today. 🤢

  • toiletcleaner999
    2 points Aug 16,2019, 5:54pm

    Fuck you I sang this lol

  • thewafflestompa
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 7:35pm

    Break me of a piece of that football cream!

  • ___Genevieve___
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:15pm
  • Konchju
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:28pm

    I live in Europe, can someone explain?

COMMENTS

  • ahaisonline
    11 points Aug 16,2019, 4:36pm

    extremely cursed image

  • TheManwithaNoPlan
    4 points Aug 16,2019, 4:13pm

    Stop it, get some help.

  • ATN-Antronach
    4 points Aug 16,2019, 4:59pm

    Fuck they had donuts today in the lobby and I've been feeling sick today. 🤢

  • turfherder
    3 points Aug 16,2019, 7:58pm
  • toiletcleaner999
    2 points Aug 16,2019, 5:54pm

    Fuck you I sang this lol

  • thewafflestompa
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 7:35pm

    Break me of a piece of that football cream!

  • ___Genevieve___
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:15pm
  • Konchju
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:28pm

    I live in Europe, can someone explain?

● ● ●

If you know, you know. If you don’t, then consider yourself lucky

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COMMENTS

  • RTRB
    22 points Aug 16,2019, 5:08pm

    UH OH GIRLS WE'RE IN SOMEONE'S FETISH

  • Phantomblujay
    5 points Aug 16,2019, 7:08pm

    Don’t fucking do this.

  • KoiAndJelly
    4 points Aug 16,2019, 7:38pm

    This is team charm erasure where tf is medicham??

  • noicknoick
    2 points Aug 16,2019, 8:24pm

    I hate that I know

  • HonorInDefeat
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:02pm

    As far as bizarre internet fetishes go, I don't think this is so bad...

  • RoseSnivy
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:28pm

    We got two thirds of Team Charm. WHERE'S MEDICHAM.

COMMENTS

  • RTRB
    22 points Aug 16,2019, 5:08pm

    UH OH GIRLS WE'RE IN SOMEONE'S FETISH

  • Phantomblujay
    5 points Aug 16,2019, 7:08pm

    Don’t fucking do this.

  • KoiAndJelly
    4 points Aug 16,2019, 7:38pm

    This is team charm erasure where tf is medicham??

  • Civil_Barbarian
    3 points Aug 16,2019, 7:32pm

    I commissioned vore art in retaliation to the wonderbread

  • noicknoick
    2 points Aug 16,2019, 8:24pm

    I hate that I know

  • HonorInDefeat
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:02pm

    As far as bizarre internet fetishes go, I don't think this is so bad...

  • RoseSnivy
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 8:28pm

    We got two thirds of Team Charm. WHERE'S MEDICHAM.

● ● ●

Lab safety ain’t a joke

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COMMENTS

  • BlueSun288
    27 points Aug 16,2019, 10:09am

    Pusheen the limit on the number of times this can be reposted.

    I think I made this joke last time it was posted as well.

  • TheLegendSenpai
    24 points Aug 16,2019, 8:27am

    Dont worry, those are just different flavors of juice

  • ISmellAnInfidel
    9 points Aug 16,2019, 9:51am

    Pusheen the cat knew the dangers of consuming gentian violet, but Pusheens desire for grape juice was too great.

COMMENTS

  • BlueSun288
    27 points Aug 16,2019, 10:09am

    Pusheen the limit on the number of times this can be reposted.

    I think I made this joke last time it was posted as well.

  • TheLegendSenpai
    24 points Aug 16,2019, 8:27am

    Dont worry, those are just different flavors of juice

  • ISmellAnInfidel
    9 points Aug 16,2019, 9:51am

    Pusheen the cat knew the dangers of consuming gentian violet, but Pusheens desire for grape juice was too great.

  • vjmdhzgr
    4 points Aug 16,2019, 4:01pm

    Also has like a 50 years out of date periodic table.

● ● ●

The future is now, and it makes no sense

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COMMENTS

  • hedgehiggle
    36 points Aug 16,2019, 10:45am

    You could also, idk... tie a ribbon to the handle. But the giant creepy face works too, I guess.

  • YesGumbolaya
    21 points Aug 16,2019, 11:14am

    The key is to get someone else's face on your bag.

  • teeroy766
    8 points Aug 16,2019, 1:27pm

    I want to use the face of someone I don’t like and then pretend I’ve trapped their soul inside the very fabric of my luggage.

  • DrinkerOfHugs
    6 points Aug 16,2019, 1:44pm

    why is the choice of face so ANGRY though

    he is WRATHFUL

  • professor-cactus
    2 points Aug 16,2019, 2:35pm

    Why does the person using seem to be an old woman?

  • lucamalato
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 12:05pm

    This is how you find your long lost twin brother

  • That_Guy_Hugo
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 2:06pm

    Alex smith?

  • SilverwingXI
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 5:49pm

    What happens when YouTubers start selling these? They'd be able to claim any of their fans luggage and nobody would question it.

  • BiggerVigor
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 6:52pm

    The Trolley Case of Dorian Grey

COMMENTS

  • hedgehiggle
    36 points Aug 16,2019, 10:45am

    You could also, idk... tie a ribbon to the handle. But the giant creepy face works too, I guess.

  • YesGumbolaya
    21 points Aug 16,2019, 11:14am

    The key is to get someone else's face on your bag.

  • teeroy766
    8 points Aug 16,2019, 1:27pm

    I want to use the face of someone I don’t like and then pretend I’ve trapped their soul inside the very fabric of my luggage.

  • qwerty-if
    7 points Aug 16,2019, 11:26am

    Maybe I can keep my face helmet in there

  • DrinkerOfHugs
    6 points Aug 16,2019, 1:44pm

    why is the choice of face so ANGRY though

    he is WRATHFUL

  • professor-cactus
    2 points Aug 16,2019, 2:35pm

    Why does the person using seem to be an old woman?

  • lucamalato
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 12:05pm

    This is how you find your long lost twin brother

  • That_Guy_Hugo
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 2:06pm

    Alex smith?

  • SilverwingXI
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 5:49pm

    What happens when YouTubers start selling these? They'd be able to claim any of their fans luggage and nobody would question it.

  • BiggerVigor
    1 points Aug 16,2019, 6:52pm

    The Trolley Case of Dorian Grey