You met him a month ago and he wanted to have sex without condoms, but he doesn’t usually have sex without condoms......
Hmmm, I’ve heard that story before. He tried to get ya
This guy is both crazy and a liar. If he doesn’t have unprotected sex why is he trying to with you? If he typically uses condoms he would’ve had some. Most sexually active men have at least a few. And you told him you weren’t on birth control. What does he plan to use, withdrawal? lol
I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, and the first time I was over at his place I asked him if he had any condoms, to which he said no. I told him that I'm not going any further if he didn't have condoms and he could just run to the store to get them and he refused. We ended up not doing anything because I'm just not comfortable with having unprotected sex with a new partner.
I asked him over text (in these pictures) to get condoms and he showed his true colours. I'm glad he did, and I'm glad that I'm strong enough to stand my ground now. I am sure that a few years ago I would have relented and did what he wanted, but I'm trying to put myself (my health!!!!) first, and even though I really liked this guy, I'm not going to be with someone this flippant and insensitive when it comes to sexual health issues. He also threw all sorts of incoherent excuses my way and even insulted me during the exchange.
I posted this because I want to show people (especially girls my age, early twenties) how men can be manipulative. This guy is early thirties. If he doesn't want to use protection and doesn't want to get tested, run. He doesn't care about you or your reproductive health.
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You put up a completely reasonable boundary and he responded in a completely unreasonable way. That’s a much bigger red flag than anything related to STDs. You probably just dodged some future bullets here. Good job standing your ground and remaining calm in the face of his personal attacks - that’s not easy to do!
The think about this conversation is that he is vehemently against getting tested and he is against condom use despite the fact that she tells him flat out she's not on birth control.
Then later on he kinda sorta claims he was tested "when I last had a full test".
Dunno but I have a hard time believing he was tested for STDs ever.
Long story short, you’re not making him get tested. You’re telling him that, without a test, and without a condom, you aren’t going to consent to sex. If that’s a problem for him, then he can either a) get tested, b) get condoms, or c) find someone else. Sorry for what you’re going through :(
Sometimes it’s kind of good when somebody acts this shitty and unreasonable – he’s telling you “don’t waste any more of your time on me!”
This is a really great example for girls to read. He’s not blatantly being what you would see on r/niceguys like “oh you’re a bitch!” This guy is using subtle manipulation techniques and words that are harder to catch for younger girls who are more likely to feel like they’re at fault themselves.Thanks for sharing!
100% that guy has some STD
That conversation was way too long for that outcome. No test? Ok no sex. Let's move along!
Wow honestly the way he talked in even the very first screenshot was a red flag to me. If I asked a dude to get condoms and that was his response he is not worth my time. Frankly the whole convo is super cringey, it's a good thing you broke up with him.
My God. It seems like he's only pissed about "changing his plans" because all he really cared about was wanting to fuck and now you've taken that "away" from him and he's legit having a temper tantrum about it.
Definitely bad signs. I can understand that wearing a condom isn't the most fun ever but getting an STD or unintentionally getting someone pregnant would be a lot less fun. And if you can't even respect the fact that your partner is saying, RESPECTFULLY, that "this is where I draw the line" then you're kind of a dick.
My current boyfriend is someone who doesn't like to use condoms. We met online, but had known each other for 2 years prior to becoming involved with each other. I flew to his city to meet with him and things progressed pretty quickly - we were both totally infatuated with the other. I have always been a condom girl. I never, EVER, want children. Ever. And I am unable to be on birth control due to health reasons, so, condoms it is. We had been fooling around and teasing each other for like 2 hours before we made it back to our hotel and he was VERY ready to get this show on the road. Clothes came off and he was getting ready to dive in when I asked him if he had condoms. He said no. I was like...there was definitely a lot of indication that we would be fucking tonight and you didn't bring any? He looked a little upset with himself and said he didn't use them often.
Now, keep in mind, I am literally laying there naked with my legs spread and he is less than two inches from the splash park. He stopped and went no further when he realized I was uncomfortable. He didn't pressure. I made it clear that I didn't really know him well enough or really trust him yet (since this was the first time we met in person) to really allow him to go without a condom. We put on some pants, he tucked his dick into his waistband, and we marched downstairs to the vending machine to get a condom. We came back and fun times ensued and since we had more then one condom, fun times ensued multiple times.
He never once made me feel bad that I stopped things right in the middle like that. He never once got frustrated or sighed at me. He realized I was uncomfortable and he did what he needed to to make me feel comfortable. And now, two years later, we have unprotected sex all the time because now I trust him explicitly.
Your dude could've had all the unprotected nookie he wanted if he just acted like a God damn gentlemen at the beginning and did what was asked of him to make you feel more comfortable about it. Geeze. Is that too much to ask for? That when you have sex with someone you feel comfortable?
Oh my god... cringe. Bye dude
The number of times you apologize to this piece of shit
Hypochondria, paranoia? Lol bye boy
This guy is a little scary and really disgusting. Manipulating the conversation to make you put to be the bad guy. Run.
“Only talk to me if it’s to apologize” Yikes love, this guy is sending so many red flags apart from the testing comments that make me so angry. He could potentially turn into an emotionally abusive character in the future!! I’m sorry you had to hear those things, no matter how strong or level headed you may be, those are brutal words and I think you deserve someone who makes you feel comfortable rather than having you sacrifice your comfort and security for them. xx
This conversation went longer than it should.
Him: i dont like condoms and i wont get tested.
You: Ok. I dont think this is going to work out. I'm not on birth control and i'm not interested in getting pregnant or risking a std from a guy i just met. Good luck in your future. Bye.
Dude in my late 20s here - what the fuck is wrong with some men? Hard to comprehend women's bodies are their own and that comes with some level of protection/control/due dilligence on making a choice like unprotected sex, etc?
With this attitude, guy would be lucky to get laid by a donut.
Good for you. Block him and move on. Plenty of guys out there appreciate a responsible and strong woman.
The only correct response to your very polite and reasonable request is "Sure, let me make an appointment and I'll show you the result when I have it"
Holy fuck, he wants you to apologise to him because you're naturally cautious about contracting an STI from a new partner?
How dare you, OP. Where is your good faith? /s
I genuinely loath this dude. Jesus.
My now-husband was very big on condom usage prior to marriage, both for safety and preventing pregnancy. It really showed me how responsible he was, despite my desire to go without after we’d been dating for years. Neither of us has ever had an STI, and now we’re pregnant with our first child. Guess condoms were a good call because we weren’t even married a month before I got pregnant!
Point is, a responsible guy will use condoms. One that respects your desire to be safe will wear one. This guy clearly wasn’t either characteristic and sounds like you definitely did the right thing!
You 👏 Go 👏 Girl 👏
He has DEFINITELY got something.
Thank you for posting this!
So many guys feel that it's the woman's responsibility to get tested FOR THE BOTH OF THEM, I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me personally. It's such a strange mentality and I'm not sure why this happens.
When I asked a guy about his previous sexual health tests he said "every partner I've been with told me they came back clean so there's nothing to worry about" he admitted that he had never gone himself to get tested...bullet dodged.
You did the right thing. And I just want to throw in here that my girlfriend and I were both tested at the start and talked it out before going off condoms. Don’t doubt yourself. You were incredibly respectful here.
Due to birth control issues we sometimes go back on condoms. I think it’s great, it’s fun in a different way.
Any guy you give your time to needs to be wise enough to realize that you can’t always have condom free sex in a committed relationship.
What part of this did he not get? I felt like you were saying one thing and he was saying something else. Really good going though that you put yourself first.
“Only talk to me if it’s to apologize”
WOOOOOOW, the ego on this fuck
You shouldn’t need to ask him 10 times 10 different ways.
There’s obviously something he’s hiding.
Weather he is being truthful or not, he’s not making a small sacrifice for you because he doesn’t care about you.
My ex was the same way. Move on. Listen to your heart.
He is trying and failing to GAS LIGHT you girl! Glad you're too switched on for his shit. Go you!
In the U.S. we can usually go to local health departments for free testing. I usually do that between partners just to ensure I have semi recent results. It's a very minor procedure and they even give free condoms. They also suggest any vaccines your lacking like the Hepatitis vaccine (the one from fecal matter from poor hand washing and stuff). Highly encourage everyone to do this.Edit: At least my county one in the Detroit area and I would assume is the same in most major city areas at least.
DUMP HIS WHOLE ASS
Dat dude would have ghosted you, I‘d bet a 1000€ on it
Also, what the hell is his line of thinking?Make reservation -> get sex?
He sounds like the kind of guy that will give you the clap, then blame it on you and your expectations for the relationship. You dodged a bullet there. Hopefully your next partner doesn't throw such a hissy fit about you being reasonable.
This muh-fucker has the herps or some shit he can’t get rid of, good move not going forward, you would be tainted! Also, dudes a giant dickhead too!
He's make a straw man argument that he can't even manage to knock down. This guy is a liar, an uneducated, ignorant moron, a wanna-be emotional terrorist, and a general piece of shit. I give you props for be so patient and wasting so much of your time on someone who clearly doesn't deserve it.
This dudes a fucking idiot...he’s definitely not clean if he’s bitching this much about getting tested and then he’s crying about ‘fucking up’ his insurance?!? It’s health insurance not car insurance you fuckin bozo...also there’s doctor patient confidentiality so his employer would not find out and even if they did what’s the problem?
Someone in that conversation is a psychopath. And like most psychopaths, he doesn’t know it.
Guy here, and my only comment is that this text convo is too long.
He doesn’t respect your ground rules for what makes you comfortable with a sexual partner and tries to bargain around them? DONE.
Life’s too short to tolerate people who try to bargain -your- comfort away in service to theirs.
Good on you for doing what’s right for you.
Since my response to another user is being downvoted I’m just going to leave this here...
Herpes is not included in a normal std screening, you have to specifically ask for it. The reason for this is because it is so common (both types are effectively the same but differ on area of preference) and doctors don’t want people having complete meltdowns because medically it’s not a big deal but the social stigma can be devastating. Oh and fun fact: the social stigma was created by the pharm co that developed a treatment but didn’t have a market because...it wasn’t a big deal! So they made it a big deal in order to sell their product.
Condoms do not prevent against herpes.
Herpes can lay dormant for years and oftentimes people who’ve been exposed to it will not know until they have an outbreak so it’s not always indicative of infidelity.
Oooof what a weirdo. I'm surprised you kept the dialogue going so long, ghost those mofos!
Any dude looking to rawdog someone without getting tested can just go rawdog his hand instead. Fuck that guy.
Punt. Dudes. Like. This. He will never listen to you.
"Only talk to me if it's to apologize" what the fuck
As a sexually active male, I think I can speak for the smart ones among us that this guy is a FUCKING DOUCHE.
The worst part about reading that is you pretty much told him you are totally willing to have sex, which is many guys' ideal thing to hear from a partner they're interesting in having sex with, and instead of saying "ok no problem, let's have tons of sex with condoms until the results are back and then we can ride bareback and it'll be amazing", he just fights you on it and tries to turn it into a personal attack? WHAT THE HELL?
I'm in Canada where we can go get tested for free, which is amazing. I have no idea of the circumstances surrounding these services in the UK. Even if I had to shell out for testing though, what's $200 for the promise of safe, consensual sex with someone you're really into?
He's got something, something you definitely do not want. So you're better off, and good on you for standing your ground! This whole read says you're open and intelligent, and make smart choices. You are the kind of woman a guy should be so lucky to be with.
Go share the passion with someone who really cares!
Wow, yeah, this is super Uber shitty and my conversation with this person wouldn't have lasted more than a few messages.
No glove, no love. No test, no unprotected sex.
No means no.
I stopped at “Its a chore in this country.”
PSA: If a guy refuses to use a barrier for any reason and you want to use one, dump him.
I've diagnosed three chlamyidias, two gonorrheas and a syphilis this week. Unless you're trying to get pregnant or you're willing to wager your health on it, use a condom.
To the other guys in here, settle down. All dipshit had to do was buy some condoms and he'd have been balls deep already. If we believe OP to be overly suspicious, it's because he refused a basic and accepted practice in current day sexual connections. This guy fucked up the budding relationship, not OP.
Here's something that has made my life so much easier: not engaging. I would have just stopped responding by the third screenshot. As women we need to stop providing so much emotional labour for ignorant men. Every single thing you said was 100% on point, but this loser didn't deserve ANYTHING from you!
I'm team #stopwastingmytime2019
Went on a Tinder date, expected to bang. Got hot and heavy, ready to really get into it, asked the dude to get a condom.
He replied he didn't have any. I reacted in surprise, he tried to assure me it'd be fine, since I've got an IUD and he swore he was clean.
I said not to worry, that I had some in my car, just give me a minute and I'd go get one.
He argued against that ("but we're already ready"), but once I made it clear that no, I wasn't letting him bareback, he got up, went to his dresser, and pulled out a condom.
So I got up, went to my pants, and pulled out an "I'm not at all comfortable sleeping with you after that stunt, despite there now being a condom available, so I'm going to leave now."
I got called a bitch. It was a reasonable trade-off for not catching whatever that dude probably had.
Seriously, "I always use condoms, so I don't have to with you" is a complete load of horseshit that he likely tells every partner. And he thinks you can't get an STD while using a condom. He is exactly the kind of guy who spreads STDs. Fuck that guy. I mean, don't fuck that guy. You know what I mean!
100% super run away. Wow! this guy is terrible and manipulative.
Wow. Fuck that guy. Actually, don’t. What an asshole.
Fucking wow.... What an asshole. Sorry that bloke is a walking timebomb. It’s not a negotiation....
Good for you! You dodged a bullet.
Good for you for not bowing down to him. Girl, next time don’t spend so much time arguing with stupid. If they start waving red flags, Run!!
This person is bad news. This isn’t just about sex, it’s about how they handle their life. You sound smart and articulate, and they sound like an idiot. Run away.
The only problem I see in this conversation from your side OP is that it went on for so long. It looks like a conversation between a rational person (you) trying to make a crazy person (him) see logic.
This guy is flat out wrong in so many statements and just a dick in general. I can't believe how at the end he told you not to talk to him again unless it's to apologize. Fuck this guy (not literally... ever!! Even if he gets tested.)
Blood tests don't catch alot of things people can have, they need to be swabbed*. I've been through it for every partner I ever had, and you never get used to having something shoved in there. That said, if your man wont let someone put something in them for your safety, don't ever let them put something in you. Even in a relationship, regular testing is a good idea. My SO works at an OB clinic and the number of women who find out the hard way they have a disease after X amount of time with someone is saddening.
Well done for standing your ground any man should be thanking you that your this safe! what and idiot you said yes to sex yet he wanted more and to lazt to even get condoms run far far away he has shown so many red flags.
Boy here. I have settled down now, but in my younger days I would get tested after EVERY SINGLE PARTNER. I hated condoms (who doesn't?), but if they were a requirement for the other person to feel comfortable then it was NBD.
If a guy is refusing to get tested he's probably worried about the outcome.
Holy shit. Is he for real? Guy is insane.
wtf is wrong with this guy and he kept on saying that it'll fuck with his company and insurance what even? and his last sentence : only talk to me to apologize. WTF?! you didn't do anything wrong by asking him to get tested. sorry but this type of human trash makes my blood boil
Reading this hurt my brain. Like another person said, I can only see someone being hesitant if it were a financial issue. Even if that were the case, that should be very easily explained and discussed between both parties. The fact that at every turn he rolled over and played victim made me want to hurl. Congrats to you for being up front, firm in your beliefs (that I thought to be pretty common sense, but I also live in the #1 american county for HIV), and most of all, safe.
I’m amazed you were so polite. You were quite sweet even after he proved he was not going to respect your boundaries. Good on you sticking to your guns.
"Only talk to me if it's to apologize"That's a huge fuckin yikes from me dude
Super Proud of whoever this is! (OP?) Way to stay strong to an obvious health choice and completely reasonable request. I'm a married dude and my wife has a lot of barriers (Trauma, and others) to having sex, if getting tested even brought one of those walls down I would do it.
WELL DONE for not giving in girl.just look at how whiny and manipulative he got as the conversation proceeded. if that isn’t a huge turn off I don’t know what is. all the BS about his employer and insurance, and about u spoiling his plans last min. RUN AWAY pls.
ps. it sounded like you’re in sg, fellow sgrean here! stay away from this douchebag i’ve met plenty of these pushy types and they just don’t get it and they never well. u deserve to spend your time with someone who can offer basic respect!
The best way to sleep with a woman is to argue against her sexual safety, hands down.
I feel like the only thing you said that was possibly insensitive was when you flippantly said 200 dollars isn't a lot of money. 200 is a lot, especially for an unexpected expense. If someone were to suddenly tell me that they wanted me to spend 200 on something or basically not see them again, that might sting or feel really rude. But considering condoms are a lot cheaper than that and he didnt want to go that route either, its obvious that you were in the right here.
Common sense 101
What a dirt bag. You did the right thing and handled the situation cordially. I commend you for respecting yourself enough to stand up to a douche like this who is only looking to get laid. Kudos to you my friend.
You absolutely did the right thing here. And you did so with absolute class and empathy towards the guy. Not one of your messages was rude and you definitely weren’t telling him how to feel.
Im from the UK and getting tested is free, so maybe it’s easier for me to say. But if a girl wants me to get checked, it is LITERALLY no big deal at all. Go and get checked immediately, for your and her sake. This guy sounds like bad news and he demonstrated what he was really like in these messages. You’re better off without him, good for you standing your ground and doing so with such class.
I have so much respect for you for standing your ground. Dudes like that can seriously fuck off
Any person that wants to fuck a new person without protection is a damn idiot. Good on ya for being responsible.
I once agreed to no condoms with a boyfriend who showed his tests from couple months before we started dating. He claimed he was safe. I later found out there had been drunk sex between those results and me. Always get fresh ones.
Yep. What an asshole. I’d gladly get tested in that situation.
As a guy I would be ecstatic to go get tested with my gf/life partner to be.
This is crazy.
This guys reasoning is fucking ridiculous. You dodged a bullet, OP.
Jesus, you were beyond patient with that cave man. What an awful person he is.
This is standard operating procedure in this day and age!
Good on you!
That guys an asshole. Not much else to say about it, No excuses. i would quite happily get tested if asked
As a guy, fuck that guy. Stay safe!
As a male, I’ll never understand why some guys act like condoms are the worst thing ever to happen to sex. For me, it makes sex last longer, and it’s gives peace of mind to know the risks of pregnancy or STI’s are minimal. If anything it lets me know I’m doing what I can to be safe.
The employer having an issue thing is such ridiculous bull shit. Omg.
Like literally that would be it.
It’s clear he has no respect for your body OR your wishes.
Which country is this? Because in the US, I got an STI screening with my private health insurance and paid $0. If it's the UK, shouldn't this just be free?
Either way, it's not hard at all for a guy to get an STI screening. Literally takes a week to get results.
You didn't just dodged a bullet there, you dodged the entire country's weaponry system.
Wooow!!! Such trash!!! Don’t even re-visit him as an option in the future!!!!
You gave him a lot more (explanation) than I would have but you did very good!!!
His "don't respond unless it's to apologize" had me S P U T T E R I N G
I'm so glad though that you didn't respond and that you're sharing this!! Protection is serious business!
I applaud you for this conversation. Safe sex is extremely important, and anyone who doesn’t respect your choice to be safe is not worth your time.
I once got Chlamydia from a guy who assured me he was clean. We even used protection. When I politely told him he needed to get tested (since he clearly lied to me), he accused me of being dirty and was livid that he had to go out of his way to deal with it. That was a huge eye-opener, and I’m lucky I only got Chlamydia, which is easily cured with one pill.
Never put your health in jeopardy to accommodate someone else! Have the conversation, and always take care of yourself.
So unreasonable, he's not going to do it. I really wouldn't continue developing a relationship with him if I were you.
So many red flags, he’s a red flag going out of business sale. Hollllly crap this guy is an entitled man baby. Glad you stuck to your guns and didn’t let him manipulate you.
You let this go on for WAY too long. He’s an asshole. And you we’re being way too nice.
I like how he tried making himself look like the victim in that exchange.
Omg what a manipulative peice of shit. This made me really angry.
Dude is using so many textbook manipulative techniques.
LPT: if it takes that much back and forth trying to get a guy/girl tested. Dump him/her
Just here to say I’m proud of you.
He thinks/knows he has something...
People like this need to understand that by refusing to get tested/wear condoms, they are telling their partner that their temporary sexual pleasure comes first over the partners health. This guy was trying to guilt them into having sex by acting all offended and making excuses like how his insurance would get him over this. What a trash bag.
Fellas, get tested regularly, keep photo on phone of results. Show with pride.
I’m surprised you kept talking to him. This is not really a normal conversation.
This is crazy. But I also have a question for you. It seems like you only worry about STDs and not on birth control, aren’t you afraid getting pregnant?
I would bet that even if you offered to pay him he’d still refuse. Definitely a good idea to move on.
What a child. Glad he showed you his true colors early on.
Red flags EVERYWHERE! “Don’t talk to me unless it’s to apologize” FUCK OFF DUDE! You owe him no apology.
Good story, way to stand your ground, there has got to be a better format for telling this than the one used.
One of my friends won’t have sex at all with a new partner (even WITH a condom) without having a full STD panel done. Good on you for sticking to your (VERY reasonable) boundary.
200 dollars? That's insane. Isn't it easier to become a blood donor?
Thanks for sharing this, I've been married for 14 years & had never thought of this kind of thing in dating but it's soo important. I'll keep it in mind for my dating friends
Just an FYI, HPV can’t be tested for in men, it can be transmitted outside of the condom also. HPV in men fact sheet
Also everyone should realize that when you go to the doctor and get tested for STD’s they just test for a handful of the big STDs. HIV, gonorrhoeae, Chlamydia, and Hepatitis.
Okay you must be trying to be obnoxious at this point.Telling me both what I should do and how I should be thinking.You can go ahead adn think all you like. Only talk to me if it's to apologise.
How on earth would his employer know he got a STD test? I’m American so not sure how it works over there or if this is even true.
Looks like you dodged a bullets , STIs can literally happen at anytime to anyone.
Sounds like a guy my friend was dating that kept pushing for unprotected sex because he 'had a vasectomy' but refused to provide her proof and said it should be enough that he told her and she shouldn't demand proof.
Honestly you gave him a lot more patience than I would have. He was so obnoxious about it and his excuses were illogical for the most part.
Good for you on ditching him.
you can get STIs from sex even using condoms
This guy’s an arse, enjoy your healthy happy sex life without him!
Dodged a bullet.
You struck a nerve OP. And the right one at that. Nothing else to say, aside from how well you handled that...Or, handled him.
Look at all that time wasted....
We will have sex bring condoms.Uh nah I'm goochi Ok bye.
No need for 500 words
Wow. I wanted to hang up so early on. Luckily I'd be so off put by this and his fucked up attitude, I'd block him forever. Gross. What a twat.
Oh man that guy is bigger than the load of shit I put in the toilet
AHAHA. Boy bye. ✌️
Jesus lol what an idiot
he’s an asshole but also you guys are using some of the biggest words i’ve ever seen used in an argument
Red flags. Red flags everywhere.
He gives off the vibe that if he were to get a condom he would stealth you. (Remove the condom without you noticing and be freestyling)
He is not mature enough to sleep with you.
This guy is a sack of shit, i’ve never seen someone protest this hard against getting tested especially getting tested together.
"only talk to me if its to apologize" you're better off without him
That dude's such an asshole. Fuck him, but only figuratively.
You handled that like an angel
Hahaha the way he ended the conversation - "Only talk to me if to apologize". Boy bye! You definitely have something in your system if you are that fussy to get a simple test.
I never understood that HUGE discomfort some men have with condoms, it takes to seconds and it's better to everyone. Yes it "feels" kind of different, but not as "mmm I'm having sex" and "mmm, I think I'm going to conquer China", it's still the same thing, everybody (hopefully) orgasms and that's all.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself and saying NO! This guy would’ve been blocked after the dog comment.
I would recommend getting your own supply of condoms. That way, you will never have to rely on a dude for them and you will know you’re being safe.
I just purchased my own condoms for the first time two weeks ago. It felt a little weird because there’s this stigma that it’s supposed to be aguys job, but that’s not true. Women should be able to proudly have their own stash of condoms and take their sexual heath into their own hands!
I hope you find someone who cares about their sexual health and respects your boundaries 😊
Yeah, I have good friend(M) who refuses to use them because 'unnatural' or some shit and supposedly neither her lady is protecting herself and they are ok. Its like a recepie for disaster imo but this is also the guy who thinks honey can cure cancer and stuff so...
Ps.: he's still my friend tho, even if we disagree in things.
My sex Ed teacher always told me that guys that are afraid to buy condoms aren’t ready for sex anyways (not always of course). Literally no one gives a shit if you buy them.
And you did the right thing, why would you have unprotected sex with someone you don’t know for that long... I honestly think he’s afraid of getting tested and is making excuses not to.
Sounds like he's got aids
I got to the third picture before i had to sit down from the amount of cringe. That guy sounds like a complete dweeb, definitely not mature enough to be having sex lol
He's got to go. Hell no. If he's already this unreasonable and they haven't even met, it's only going to get worse. He only cares about himself, and has zero respect for her. (I'm assuming it's a her, but I could be wrong.) That guy is ridiculous if he thinks that his boss is going to be concerned with his tests regarding his health. Sounds kind of illegal-ish for a boss to know someone's personal health records, anyway. What a dick.
Oh my gosh that was painful to read!!! That guy is a dumb ass.
what a dick lmao
Imo even if you've been in a long term monogamous relationship with someone you should get tested regularly. You don't have to have sex to get an std, any (?) bodily fluid can contain an std.
And what's the downside? You loose maybe an hour of your life and know for absolute 100% certainty you'd safe. No brainer as far I am concerned.
You dodged a bullet there, if he can't do such a small but important thing as get tested or AT LEAST use condoms he isn't worth your time. I'm glad you stood your ground!!
The rule I learned is that if the other person doesn't care about using condoms....you should be using a condom. Also if someone says "I'll have sex with you if you get tested for STDs first" I'm getting re-tested that day.
I don't care who you are...I like to fuck....safely.
Welcome to Red Flags! It's a roller-coaster ride of concerning discoveries!
That guy has caught something 1000000%
I would have stopped wasting my time on this guy by the end of the first screenshot.
There were more red flags here than in minesweeper. I’m surprised you even debated him for that long. This guy is a complete asshole. He’s clearly untrustworthy, and trying to gaslight you and make it seem like you are the one being unreasonable.
I think at the point that he said you wanting to not get STDs was a 'wall' you were putting up that he felt a need to resist rather than 'capitulate' to, lest he be seen as a 'bitch' that would have to change from 'no sex until test' to 'thank you, next.'
And he's acting all offended and like normal people would get upset that their partner asks them to get a simple std test? And of course his feelings aren't hurt. He is angry. Which is a feeling. Caused by his feelings being hurt.
I think you dodged an std covered bullet on this one. Just waiting for the text in 3 months 'i have HPV'
Is this the USSR because I'm seeing a parade of red flags.
Lol he probably has hiv.
I'm having a really hard time making out the text in the smaller screenshots. Can you post them separately instead of as a collage?
I would never pay $200 for an STI test wtf?!
Wish I stood up to my ex-gf who touted herself as a radical feminist while repeatedly pressuring me to fuck without a condom because she doesn’t like how they feel.
i cannot stop laughing at how absurd this adult baby is being lmfao. this is such a basic life requirement and i love how hard he's making it sound like you're the villain for wanting to ensure both of you are clean and healthy. this is classic manipulation at its finest, and thank you so so much for sharing these messages with us because it's a huge reminder (and eye opener to some) just how manipulative some assholes can be.
Besides STD‘s, you‘re not on birth control, isn‘t it pretty risky in terms of pregnancy? Am I missing something...? Even if I‘m tested for STD‘s I would really mind impregnating a „stranger“....
This goes both ways. I met a crazy girl that said no condoms. She even tried taking it off me. I got out of there and finished myself off at home.
Am i the only one who is annoyed by the way they text? Also, he def has the herps
I’m so proud of you girl! Good on you for standing your ground. What a jerk. You dodged a major bullet here!
'If you want a bitch that do what you say, go get a dog'
Dude...GROW THE FUCK UP, what a asshole
Good for you, who knows what this man child can do to other women
Guess age is, at the en of the day, just a number
Wow. Now THAT'S a dick.
My husband and I haven’t used condoms in probably.....8 years? And even WE still have some condoms lying around somewhere! If he didn’t even have a single one then he’s definitely never safe with other partners either. Ew. You dodged a bullet with this one. Good for you standing up for your health.
Definitely did the right thing. It's his responsibility for that side of a relationship. Disappointing he calls it "paranoia" when he has so much less to lose in the situation.
I'm in the US, how would getting tested mess with someone's insurance? Isn't that the point of having insurance? And here we can go to a free clinic or county clinic for these things for much cheaper & they usually give you the option of using your insurance if you have it or not because of the price.
Also I had HPV even though we used condoms. The condom didn't even break. Get tested
I always use protection when sleeping with someone. I told this guy that I prefer we shouldn’t have sex at all since I haven’t been tested in a while and I’m kinda worried, cause I did sleep with maybe 2-3 people since I got tested. If I did have something (I don’t), I’d have to at least know and I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone without having a peace of mind that I’m clean and I want them to be clean too
The only fault I see on your part is that you put up with his bullshit past the second screenshot. It is obvious that he cannot be trusted and I would bet my left nut that he is hiding something.
Your request was not unreasonable. He is a D-bag that, if you continue to see him, will cause you a lot of grief in the future.
You get pregnant? Not his problem.
You get a disease from him? Not his problem AND he blames you for exposing him to it.
You insist on being safe (like every rational person on Earth should)? You are a psycho who is making unreasonable requests.
Kick this assfuck to the curb. There are millions of better dudes out there.
This is really fucked up. You should be getting a test once every six months and once when you first start dating a new partner. I’m a man in my mid 30s, and this has been considered standard sexual etiquette since my 20s. I wouldn’t dream of having sex without a condom without those precautions. I can’t understand how anyone wouldn’t do the same!
I like having sex raw, but if my partner wants me to use a condom I oblige. Sex is a two-person act that involves alot of convent and trust. People that have sex just because it feels good, it caring about other people’s feelings and concerns are disgusting.
That is just blatant and obvious crazy right there. Run far and fast. Either, they knowingly have STDs and just want to fuck. Or they are borderline stupid, easily overreact (aggressive nature), and can’t respond to reason coming from another person/woman. You’d be better off going condomless with a rusted railroad spike this point.
Tell him he can fuck.... right off!
What a dickhead.
Well I gonna say post you should retitled your post both should be tested, until I read the texts.....I think G has a lil something going down there. Stay away from him.
One of the first things my spouse and I did together after deciding to have sex was get tested together. Going together and then grabbing a meal is one of the most romantic memories I have. There’s nothing quite like knowing that your partner wants both of you to be healthy together.
Wow. I wouldn't know how fast to get that test. What a dork..
Good for you OP!
I don't get why some guys have such a problem with using a condom. To me, sex feels the same with or without them, so why risk it?
And getting tested is part of being responsible enough to be having sex. Although I do wish it were more accessible in most places.
What a whiny baby!!!
Urgh what an ugly exchange! You showed far more restraint and patience than I’d have been capable of. What a nasty manipulative slippery piece of shit. There were so many holes in his argument, but beyond that the entitlement was off the charts. Run! You’ve dodged a bullet here.
You have been overly nice. Good choice dumping him
Girl, you're an inspiration. I'm in a very good relationship and the fact that my boyfriend refuses to have unprotected sex makes me feel safer.
I hope my daughter is as smart and strong willed as you when she is of age.
What the hell...
Smh he’s missing out tbh
dam what a goof
What an idiot, it's just a test. I'd be in there like swimwear
The things like HPV that they cannot currently test men for will kill you if you didn’t have the Gardisil vaccine. Then there’s the question of if they will test for hepatitis in their particular panel at that particular clinic. There’s no such thing as “completely clear”.
Oooh is he single? He sounds great
Jesus what order do I read these in lol
And many men wonder why we won’t sleep with them.
This is the daddy of them all. Pricey but well being healthy isn’t cheap in America. Let’s MAGA with cheaper tests that cover all of these infections.
I read a newspaper article many years ago but stated the results of a study that both sexes will lie through their teeth to get what they want sexually. So, protect yourself
This guy is clearly just trying to make excuses! I’m glad you stood your ground. There’s so many red flags in every excuse he gave. In every new relationship I’ve always asked if/when my partner was tested and if they’d like to get tested before forgoing any type of protection, should we decide to. It’s common sense to get tested regularly, even during yearly check ups so I don’t get why it becomes a big deal beyond that? And asking when someone was last tested is usually one of the first questions people ask about so I’m not sure why he sounded so surprised?
Women have to get tested every year during their annual OBGYN physical so I don’t see why it’s such a hassle for some men to do the same if they care about their reproductive health. It’s like some men forget that chlamydia and gonorrhea are real and dangerous. So sorry you had to experience this OP but I’m glad you found out early how he truly is.
Man. The person who’s insisting on the test, way to go holding onto your beliefs! That’s really impressive.
I thought STD checks were free? Or is that only in the UK? The more I hear about the US healthcare system the more grateful I am to be British.
PSA: if anyone refuses to get tested and demands no contraception, thats-a-problem
I’m not saying he does, but there’s definitely a chance he may have something given how adamantly he’s against testing or even using condoms. Even if that isn’t the case though, the fact he doesn’t care about your concern at all is a huge red flag. Good job standing up to him and getting out of there.
I you guys both have some good vocab but he still seems like a scumbag. Fuck that guy. Not literally tho
Guy's a douche lol I know people like this who do this kind of shit and then turn around and talk about how fooling girls is so easy. They do all their hookups without condoms and never get tested. So stupid. Don't trust people who won't wear condoms.
I wouldn't wish herpes on my worst enemy, but if anyone deserved to get fooled into getting herpes and then never getting laid again it would be guys like that.
Common sense much?
Please send him a picture of a dog.
Who are these guys that have enough sex to turn down an offer just because they're asked to use a condom?
This man has never been tested
I'm surprised you got this far into that conversation with him. At the first sentence I was like fuck that dude bye.
Edit: I mean don't fuck him and bye him. Just bye
go off! you are so succinct, confident, and firm it honestly amazes me! thank you for doing this and thank you for setting such a great example to young girls!
This was painful to read. I am a woman and if a guy refused to do the test, then it's done. I would definitely not text this much about it. I'm not interested in "developing the relationship" with a j.o.
This would be a fun convo to show someone from 40 years ago.
Bh id change the title of the post to “if i guy flat-out refuses to use condoms, dump him”
Red flag here, don't ignore it. You're doing the right thing.
Dan Savage would be proud of this. Tag him on Twitter with a screen shot
I seriously dont get this. Im JUST as scared of getting something as my lady is, and my last 2 partners we went to go get tested together. It can be romantic haha, turn it into a dinner and date. Then make it memorable with some safe unprotected sex
This allot of convo just for sex, if I was both of them I’d be out
He seems a bit immature. Probably a good idea to cut ties.
Should have suggested female condoms. They work better.
Jesus, $200 for STI testing? That sucks balls.
Yuck! He seems so immature!!!
Yeah that's a huge red flag. At least you realized before you two were serious.
Holy fuck, he thinks you have to disclose to your employer that you’re being tested for STDs? And even if you did, how is that a bad thing? It shows you’re being responsible.
I have a box at all times, they're not that expensive and not that difficult to procure. There's a little bit of an embarrassment some people have but its much better than pushing the responsibility off to having your partner go through the motions to get an abortion or be fearful they may be pregnant.
Great job. Im a guy, married now, but when my wife and I were dating I had absolutely no qualms about getting tested and would never be insulted if she asked me to. I would have respected her more and it would be a turn on to be with someone so strong and reasonable, to be honest (plus the green light is pretty awesome).
Keep kicking ass and being awesome!
Holy shit you were mad mature the entire time. He sounds like a moron lmao
That's a nope from me, dawg
You are SO NICE if some guy gave me that much pushback on getting tested I easily would say no right away because there are 2 million other men lined up who will easily get tested if it meant boning someone. Insane.
It's a chore? Ha. It was maybe an hour of my day, between showing up, getting tested and heading home. I bet he doesn't have his license either...
He won't get tested cause he has something and doesn't want you to know, but also doesn't care about you or your health enougb to be upfront with you.
That's my theory at least
Wow I have never seen someone so shady and self entitled. Talk to me if it’s to apologise? Stfu
I'm trying to see this from his perspective...and I guess I can see why he's frustrated, but that doesn't mean at all that he's right. I can't figure out for the life of me why he's so against wearing condoms or getting tested. Like, I'm a young dude in my early 20s, happily married, etc. Wife used birth control for the first year, but it messed her up pretty bad. So we've been using condoms ever since, about 1.5 years. I mean, it's not the best, obviously, but what do you do? We're not in a place to have a kid. If our reason was from an STI perspective is even more of a no-brainer. Idk man. Dude seems weird. Get rid of that garbage dude haha
This is some Don Juan level game right here. I should be taking notes
What an asshole
Lol thought this was on /r/choosingbeggar
Was like damn dude, just get tested. Quit being a little bitch about it.
I'm proud that you stood your ground. Nothing about what he was saying sounded honest. If he had nothing to hide, then testing wouldn't be a problem.
You go girlfriend
I can not understand what the big deal is about testing. If it is nerve-wracking, that's partly why you go together. If there is anything that needs to be taken care of or cleared, that's why you go.
It really wears on me that some people care more about getting laid than taking care of the person that they want to have sex with. It's terrible.
If someone is making a big deal for a test maybe dumb them
He's hiding something or thinks you're dumb...either way isn't good. Here's how it should have gone, and would have gone with the majority or men:
You: We need to use condoms and get tested for STD's so we can have sex.
Him: *He has no response because he is no longer there, he ran as quickly as he could to buy condoms and get a test.
i hope you take your own advice.
This was a total case of yikes. This isn’t just a gesture of respect for her but also yourself. Why wouldn’t you hold your health and wellness in high regard?
what the fuck is wrong with this dude lol
What a piece of absolute shit. Manipulative and a douche.
This is insane! And not rare. Good for you for not giving in. Better to miss out on a date with someone with very different values, than to give in once and deal with those results for (potentially) the rest of your life. You go, girl. (Also wtf is this guy’s concern about his insurance and then he says YOURE paranoid? Oi. Bullet dodged.)
You must feel like Neo. You just dodged a bullet
Wow, that dude is an asshole. Good on you for protecting yourself.
If the dude is in the UK, it's free to get checked..
GOOD FUCKING LORD that was such a headache to read. He sounds like a fucking moron like I’m actually getting emotional over it lmao.
But good on you though. Your health and safety trump this twat any day. Ugh. Happy to be exiting the post now 😭
Never eyerolled so hard. Good on you for sticking to your guns.
This is the most frustrating conversation I’ve ever seen and I applaud your patience and composure because I wouldn’t have been so polite! Red flag city, definitely a good call to dump him.
Eegad! Health and safety ftw.
It surprises me that your statement needs to be said. Seems like a "No shit" kinda idea.
When asked my only thought is... I hate needles.
edit: dude! you were in! just get the damn condoms! I hate getting them? wat, you 4? They suck, negligible. Nice toss in the mix. They break, yea. So? Not on birth control, why take that risk? 10 bucks for a box of rubbers vs 18 years of child support? My brain fails the comparison, my penis doesn't, but my brain is definitely bigger.
Fuckin baby with a ton of excuses. Nice bullet dodge, it would not have worked out anyways. He needs to grow up. I can't believe you apologized to him so many times too. lol you're a nice person.
Man, that guy's an airhead.
If this is how this guy acts in his daily life, I seriously hope he doesn't touch another human being again...
Why the hell did this conversation go on for so long? Why did she put up with his crap for that long?
This dude is crazyyyyy. just the way he talks is super rude, let alone the blatant lying and shit.
What a fucking psychopath.
Good for you!! You did the right thing, and this guy sounds like an asshole honestly. If he doesn't want to put your health (and his) before sex then he's definitely not the guy for you
That dude is dumb as a motherfucker
That guy’s a butt. On another note, how did you get the text background with the fruit?
Well done. Condoms should be a very minimum with a new partner. Very responsible decision
So incredibly tone deaf, almost seems intentional.
I think what they were trying to say was "Our male employees fight for you too, not just the female ones."
As someone prepping for an MBA, this mostly made me chuckle at the incompetence. I mean, I think I get what they were going for here...
Feminism is about equal opportunity, male as well as female - famously, a boy can play with barbie dolls and a girl can pretend to play construction worker/hockey player. Feminism and MeToo also say that men need to step up to help out with the issues facing women, both because of moral obligation and because it's the best thing in the end for both genders.
So...I guess they're trying to encourage positive male participation in a celebration of women's rights, but they just fell on their face.
I'd be very curious to know if any women had a chance to actually review this before their communications team blasted it out on to the web.
So, do they thank the female employees on international men’s day?
Seriously, I have got to remember NOT to downvote something that upsets me.
Looks like they deleted the post!
It sounds like they are thanking their male employees for their support of women's rights. A lot of the comments here are only seeing that they thanked them instead of women but not why. Honestly, if the case is they're thanking them for supporting women, I think it's good. Sure, it was International Women's day, but having male support is a good thing and men should be thanked for their help too if they fight for equality.
Just my opinion, though might be an unpopular one. They probably could have worded it different, but it's done.
Swing and a miss!
Isn’t it great of them to include women. So charitable.
On this International Women's Day, I would like to thank the pulsatingly erect phallus of Zeus, which we all know women are quite fond of.
What the fuck. Beyond parody, beyond sickening.
Meh, it’s OK. They are making the argument that equality is good business. Kind of a retro argument, but still true.
How very fucking enlightened. I hope there’s backlash.
Unless they are strong figures in their region for equal rights, that’s not really a good move.
This is disgusting.
Most ppl will hate me now but this is also what equality means...
But on the other side, with actual almost 100% equality there would not be a need for this day at all
I feel like they did that because no women wanted to work for a train company
Even the men in the picture look like "Yeah, we don't know why either".
That is amazing!
That scarf is #2!
I’m pretty sure I saw this post earlier... this seems fishy to me, can anyone back me up?
That is the cutest thing I’ve seen all day ☺️
If you put a zipper on the outer ends could it become a 3D pencil?
That's really cute!!
Have her send one to Brittany from Last Chance U.
This is seriously the cutest thing I've seen all day. Hooray for the teachers of the world!
.............. can i borrow it?
Hehe very beautiful.
I LOVE THIS !!!
cute! If I hadnt failed out of my ed program I would have loved my mom to make me something like this
Tell your mom to get working. She can sell a bunch of these.
Legit thought this was going to be a pencil with a tiny scarf for some reason
I would be lying if I didn't say that I was confused at first trying to imagine how you were going to keep a scarf on your pencils. (Also go mom!)
That is hilarious. What grade do you teach? If you teach little ones I bet they love it!
You posted as a Canadian teacher last time and got roasted for it.
You already got 28k upvotes posting this on r/pics... do we really need this here?
I love it
Your kids will love seeing it. You’ll be known as Ms. Pencil Scarf. Say to mom how she did a good job. Thanks for sharing ❤️
I love this!
So cute for you!
She did a great job!
Oh that's beautiful!!
That is adorable 😍😍😍
Scarf game on point
Can we all take a moment to appreciate all that a black woman born in the 1920s has been through? Holy shitballs, what a life.
Holy fuck 92? That's fucking amazing, looks 40 years younger than that.
I’ve seen 40 year olds that look worse than her. She’s killing the game!
She is adorable! Call her more.
She looks like an old Dora the Explorer. I love this.
I want to look this good at 92.
My grandparents are in their 70s and barely ever leave the house.
Your grandmother looks happy, healthy, and great! I aim to live as long as her. What is her secret of living so long?
I honestly don't believe she's 92. She does not look 92
Ooh looks like Clearwater. Maybe siesta key
Crazy! She looks so much younger than 92. Honestly, maintaining relationships with family and friends is very important and seems to have a positive effect with regards to aging. Amazing!
She looks like she has energy for another 40 lol.
She seems sassy and I love it! Seriously, she looks great. Or as my grandmother would have said, “Sexy!” She turned 92 this past winter and died shortly thereafter. I moved home to help care for her the last few years and not a day goes by where I don’t miss her. Cherish your time with her and give her a hug from this reddit stranger!
My great grandma lived to be 103 and looked this good in her late 90s too too. Cancer got her in the end, though, but I remember her cracking jokes and laughing right before her death. Ahhh I feel so blessed to have had the chance to even meet her at that age. Everybody says she looked exactly like I did when she was my age ;u;
She looks great!!
She looks so strong and healthy! Good for her!
Tell gmama the redditors said hi and to have a great vacation!
uhh is 'iff' = 'if and only if'? because then sorry, but i didn't get a chance to love her at 90 therefore i cannot love her at 92 now..
Is... is she vacuuming the beach?
Half way to 99
For a hot second I thought she was vacuuming the beach
Her skin is so clear and nice! What the heck!?
Black don’t crack
BLACK! DONT! CRACK! omg she looks amazing.
She looks like you are both having fun! Much love to kick-ass Grandmas - I wish we were all this lucky!
Wow she loves old amazing . Great genes for you
Fierce. Love her!
I plan to live a life like your grandmas when I’m her age.
She looks so healthy, strong, and young! Good for her!
I love your grandma!!!
I love yr gramma!!!!
Looks great for 92! Whatever she is eating I will have some
Your granny is one cool cat.
She does NOT look 92!!
May she live to be 1,000! You go girl!
She is so adorable and I would like for her to adopt me, please.
She looks amazing! Can I...hug her 😩
I want to be like your gran when I grow up...
man i hope i look this good when i'm 92. what's her secret?
Adorable, with a "Do Not Mess With Me" stance! Rave on, Grandma!
Panama city beach?
She doesn't look any older than my grandma who is 80. Wowzers
dang. all of my grandparents stopped walking at least 10 years before that. probably also around the same time they stopped understanding anything that happened around them.
GODDAMN! Your grandmother looks better than I do and I'm 1/3-ish her age...
She is one classy, amazing lady.
What's her secret? She looks amazing. You are a lucky guy and you should call her more ☺
I wanna be this granny. Badass.
I thought the umbrella was a hammerhead shark. Keep the love up!
No way shes 92 she looks great
I love her
I feel like she and I would get along famously
Is that Bill Cosby?
Glad to see she's still well and healthy! My grandmother lived to be 96 and she lived off a 5th of vodka and a pack of Virginia Slims cigarettes every. single. day.
She had an abscessed tooth that caused her to pass away but she looked real healthy in her 90's! Show her you love her as much as you can while she's still here! Maybe even a bucket list would be fun? :)