I was in this situation but I'm the girl. It wasn't so bad when we first lived in an apartment, small amount of space and not much to clean. We moved into a house and there are many more chores. I'll admit I was lazy. He loves everything clean. Some things I just turned a blind eye to and they were acceptable to me but not him. I ended up working less and hes still full-time with over time days. He started getting depressed and when I asked him whats bothering him he told me I need to do more around the house. He's tired from work and he can't do it all. I hated seeing him like that especially when I knew it was my fault. So I put my big girl pants on and stepped up my game. We have a little saying now " A clean home = a happy soul". I made my own cleaning routine and I stick to it. It was hard at first, but now its habit and I like things just as clean as him. I'm sure if I was alone I would revert back to how I was before though. Seeing how happy he is when things get done and he comes home from work with everything clean and fresh is the best. He makes me feel proud of my house work and acknowledges how well I'm doing. In turn I make sure he knows how much I appreciate him working more by telling him and now by showing him with doing what I can for our home. I say to everyone with a messy SO to just keep talking to them and express what are acceptable living conditions to you.
Few hours later
"I usually leave a big mess when I leave the house knowing my boyfriend will clean it up".
Or you could, you know, talk to her and tell her it bothers you that she never helps to clean or acknowledges what you do
Browsing reddit always makes me feel better about my relationship. We clean together. If I straighten uo our family room she'll notice immediately.
Seriously, have a conversation about this.
I do this, I also do it with lots of other things in life with my parents, grandparents, brother (going out of my way to do something to avoid a hassle that is confronting it with them). I take a peace in doing it, sort of a selfish concession for myself giving up time for the satisfaction, as it makes me happy to avoid the confrontation AND to have the chore done. Why fight or argue when I can just go with the flow and take care of it in my own time my own way.
here I am single, living like Tom Hanks from Turner and Hooch, just keeping my place tidy.... I honestly wont put up with a slob, probably why I am single, or maybe I am just an unlovable asshole with unrealistic standards.
she notices, but is comfortable with your current arrangement.
you might want to talk to her.
My roommate has been without a job for five years. He lives off govt benefits and help from his parents. He owns the house, so me and another guy pay him too.
He has literally not cleaned a thing for over two years now. He has done the dishes once in over a year and a half.
During that time I was working full time overnights, going to school part time, and had a relationship. He stays home and gets drunk smokes weed and plays video games. Literally all day every day. About three months ago I got tired of it, and stopped doing anything else around the house, except my room. The kitchen is so disgusting I think about moving every day. He won't take out the trash (I do that at least) but he also doesn't take out his empty cans but once a month... So now there is ~100-150 beer cans sitting around... Like hell if I'm going to clean up after his addiction.
He also pukes probably 3-4 times a week and is so mystified as to why... Like dude you drank 24 beers yesterday... 'No way man, I don't get hungover'...... Whatever, this won't last and I'll be gone by then.
That's what I do with the laundry.
This. You've just made me realize why I seem so intent to clean and tidy up the house when he's away on business.
I go through this but I give her a lot of leeway. I have anxiety issues and I don't take meds. If something is messy or cluttered I start getting edgy. Over the years, I learned to recognize the triggers and curtail it when I can. Hence, I clean a lot. My wife, by my definition, is a slob. She might actually be normal by other accounts, but she knows it bothers me and assists when she can.
If you go to her place and it's messier than your place
When you move in together, you will be cleaning up after her.
"Use your words." -Dan Savage
My boyfriend of 3 years and I just moved in together a few months ago and I think something that really helps us is doing chores at the same time or together. We both will decide it's time to do them and while I do the dishes he will do the floors or what have you. Sometimes we will sweep the floors together (2 brooms) or fold clothes together or do dishes. It doesn't bother me when he asks me to help him because he always swoops in to help me when I start a chore. If we did something on our own we both typically will be like "hey I did this today" and jokingly "are you proud of me?" And that way we both know what's been done and get/give recognition for it.
I clean my apartment when my roommates are gone. It only takes an hour or two and I can just jam while doing it. I don't care that they don't help, enjoy the carefree atmosphere, and see it as a way to thank them for giving the place to myself quite often.
My wife, by my definition, is a gift...she has her strengths and well, I have anxiety issues and I can and minimize her making a mess.
Does she go out of town a lot? Or do you only clean a few times a year?
Yeah or ya know fuckin communicate ya dank meme
open your mouth and work this out or continue to build resentment that will divide you
Dude if I clean when she is out of town I get blown. Get a cleaner GF - Posted from my GF's account.
Ditch that bitch!
This is my life
She's getting better. Talk to her.
This is me. Usually when my wife is out. She took a nap yesterday. I cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floor.